Alicia Lopez’s Musings

Posts Tagged ‘thanksgiving

Today marks the twenty first month since my hubby’s passing.

It is the beginning of a ritual of counting months that started on that day.  I thought that if I could survive that first month, I would be on my way of learning to live alone.  It has been a very long process, and sometimes I wondered if I could make it.

The human body and mind has a resilience unmatched by none.  In the face of adversity and loss, it is still able to function, albeit at a lesser pace, but function it does. Look at me, twenty one months later I am still around, and still kicking.  The sense of loss never leaves, but I have learned to live with it.

I have learned that I can still share thoughts and ideas with my hubby, in the silence of  our home which we both loved, and which is filled with memories; the Greek fishermen’s caps which he wore constantly, his collection of music, even his eyeglasses which he kept by our bed,on a funny big nose stand.

When I leave the house, those memories stay behind, to be supplemented by normal everyday occurances.  My job keeps me busy, my mind expands with the meeting of new people, and new occurances.  I have never lost my sense of humor, but it seems to be rejuvenating.

I look forward to the coming holidays; our village has begun to decorate the main street with dazzling silver boughs and the local merchants have placed the white shimmering lights on their stores, and as the song goes, “It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas”.

For the first time in several years, I will have my three sons here with me for  this weekend; only the sons without my daughters in law .  It will be different, but nice. 

Next week, my daughter, son in law, and grandson from Dallas will be here for the Thanksgiving holiday,  the son who lives here and my small grandson will be present also; my cup runneth over.

The past holidays are just that, past and gone.  Time marchs on, and I have to march along with it.  So, start those drum rolls, begin the beat, and watch me strut.

Hasta la Vista

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Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could turn the clock back, just like we do every fall?  Of course, you would have to choose how far back to go, an hour, a day, a year?

In my fantasies, I would go back at least ten years, when my hubby was still in good health, when he and I thought we had the world in our hands.  We had good jobs, good health, a fantastic bevy of grown children, and we could look forward to growing old together.

Of course, old was not a word my hubby believed in.  He always thought and acted young, and I was swept along with him.  We were so sure we had earned the place where we then stood, and we enjoyed every minute of it.

Then was then, and now is now.  You cannot turn back time, and only memories keep it alive.  I have plenty of those, and sometimes when I’m not even thinking, they crop up at unbidden times.

For example, I found tears in my eyes when I witnessed my wonderful boss busily opening a package which contained a new tool he had purchased, and it reminded me of the joy that my hubby took in any new tool he acquired.  I had a lump in my throat when he came back from a trip and handed his wife a gift he brought to her; there were many times in my life when I had the same happiness of knowing I was always in my hubby’s thoughts.

I find myself envying an older couple holding hands; that could have been us.  I have gone up to total strangers and told them how lucky they are, and not to take anything for granted.

With the holidays coming up, more and more memories will appear, I do not dread them; I even look forward to enjoying most of them. This year the traditional Thanksgiving will not happen, as two of my children who live in Dallas cannot come to Ruidoso to be with us, and the son who lives in El Paso will celebrate with his wife’s family this year.  I will still have two children and their families to keep me company.  Two is much better than none.

Happy Thanksgiving to all.

Hasta la Vista

The house has returned to normal, quiet, peaceful, and lonely, after the visit from my children for the Thanksgiving Holiday.  The refrigerator has returned from overload, the washing machine has issued a huge  sigh of relief from all the laundry, and the dishwasher is again empty.  Having fifteen additional people from the usual one in the house  is certainly different.

The turkey this year was prepared by my two daughters, who learned the stuffing secret from their Dad.   This was passed on through generations, having been related to him by his mother.  I can truly say that they were very good pupils, and their Dad was surely smiling from heaven at the results.  I know we all enjoyed the fruits of their labor.

My pooch and I are back to our  routine, with no Scrabble tournaments to participate in,  no Poker Games to bicker over as  to which hand actually won,  no shopping sprees to improve the local economy, and no casinos to attend by myself.

HOW BORING!

The visiting poochs got along fine with mine, after about an hour of suspiciously viewing  and growling at each other.  Then they went into a full playful mode, and we had no problems, other then being constantly delighted by their antics.  They are, after all, kissing cousins.

My offspring missed the second snowfall of the season here in Ruidoso, as it began snowing Sunday morning, after they had left.  If it wasn’t for the fact that they had to drive back to Dallas and El Paso, I would have liked for them to remain and enjoy the beautiful scenes that a snowfall creates.  Everything is pristine in its whiteness, and if ever there was an ugly sight, it was quietly covered and removed by the white gold.

Ski Apache officially opened its season on Thanksgiving Day, but the snow was man made.  After the weather reports started arriving, we realized that the skiers had missed the best part; but we know they will return, just as surely as the swallows return to Capristano every year, the snow enthusiasts will be back.

The Village has already been decorated for the coming Christmas Season, with all the shops lit in white, and the street lamp posts twined with silver.  It is a charming scene, worthy of any Thomas Kincaid  painting.  I enjoy driving through at night, when the shops have closed and the streets are deserted.  This does not happen as often as I would like, because I do not go out at night by myself, for many reasons, the major one being that my hubby and I often rode through the village thusly , and somehow, it just isn’t the same.

I had mentioned to my kids that I probably would not be putting up a tree this year, for the first time in 58 years, my soul still deeply mourning my beloved.  When I walked into the living room, there was the tree, and all my children busy with the decorations.  I felt my spirits lifting, and when my daughter brought out the village which was my hubby’s pride and joy, I could not hold back the tears.  My daughters and I held each other and cried, and my sons and sons-in law, stood around helplessly, until they decided maybe a hug would be welcomed.  I love them all dearly.

I hope that your Thanksgiving Day was as full as mine, and that all of us raised up our eyes and voices to heaven and gave thanks for our many blessings.

Hasta la Vista

I journeyed back today from my visit to our children in Dallas.  The time passes so swiftly, I can hardly believe a week has gone by.

This is the norm, the days pass by so slowly when you are looking forward to that trip, and they fly by when you are actually at your destination and enjoying the assorted family members surrounding you.

We spend the majority of the time talking, laughing, remembering, and sometimes crying.  As the holidays approach, we look forward to them with some trepidation.  This will be the first holiday season without my beloved.  To them it will be the first without their father, and grandfather.  He was so enthusiastic about everything that pertained to this time, that he infused it to everyone.

We will change a few things about the celebration, having decided to draw names this year for the first time in our history;  I can say in half a century, since he and I were married fifty eight years. We always did the shopping together, he carrying the packages and giving his nod of approval for whatever I chose.  His expertise was with the manly things, the girly ones he usually left to me.

This Thanksgiving we will all be together, except for my granddaughter who lives in New York, and a grandson who cannot bear to leave his dog in a kennel.  I told him if I didn’t have three dogs  already invited to the feast, I would tell him to bring his Maddie, but she is much larger than the other three pooches and I can foresee problems.  People who are not dog lovers will wonder at his decision to not come, but I completely understand;  I have been a dog person for years.

So, I look forward to their coming and to our time together.  They always love Ruidoso, and cannot bear the thought that one day I may have to sell the house and leave, but Father Time has a way of diminishing mere mortals, and I am a realist.  I will have to move closer to where I have more family and medical support, although my son who lives here tells me he would take care of me by himself, but I would not tie him down to an ailing mother, he still has his own life to live.

Hopefully that will be in the future, relegated to “some day”.  My health is good, and I am slowly but surely learning to live again.

Hasta la Vista