Alicia Lopez’s Musings

Posts Tagged ‘relationship

Yes, that much awaited month of June has arrived!

Here in my mountain home it has arrived, bone dry.  We have been hoping for rain, but it has eluded us, and the fires have started.  You have probably heard of the large one devouring acres in the Gila; we have had a smaller one here, in the Hondo Valley, which has been 90% contained at last count.  Fire is the dreaded word that we mountain dwellers abhor, and do everything in our power to avoid.

In our village of Ruidoso outdoor smoking is prohibited, and I hope all our visitors adhere to that.  It is not that we don’t want you enjoying our mountains and coolness,  it is just that we ask you respect our environment and our home.

Other than that, the summer season is in full swing.  The racing season started on the Memorial Day weekend, and we had quite a crowd at the Ruidoso Downs Racetrack.  I say  “we” because I am part of that  scene, being employed at  Billy the Kid Casino adjacent to the track.  Parking is at a premium, and when we find one, we are jubilant.  I am not going to reveal the parking space which I have found, not too many people know about it.  It is not that far from the building, but I still get walked to my car by the security guards, God Bless them.

I still love my job, it has taken my life into new directions, having people to talk to, and  laugh with.  It  has  done away with a lot of the lonely times.  After three years I still miss my hubby, but have learned to live with the loss.

This month we will be celebrating the 50th birthday of my youngest, and his siblings will be here  to rib him about old age. Not too much ribbing as  they are now all over fifty, and I still think of myself as young!  To me, age is just a number; there are now a few more aches and pains, but I have been blessed with good health and good genes; my mom lived to 99!

There is sadness within my familia, as two brother in-laws are deteriorating in health; it will be only a matter of time before they too leave this earth.  I talk to my sisters often, and offer whatever encouragement I can, and I travel to El Paso at least once every three weeks to be with them.  My sister in California is the one most out of reach, but always in our hearts, prayers, and thoughts.

Another sadness is the fire that devastated my son’s home in El Paso; I went to see it on my last trip there, although he had asked me not to.  My view of the house was of a burned out shell, the roof  had been removed and what could be saved was taken, not much left.  They are lucky to be alive, thanks to their little dog and a neighbor who woke them.  As I told them, things can be replaced, but not human life.

The jubilation of June is now taken one day at a time.

Love and good health to all.

Hasta La Vista

It’s really a few more days until March, but I have a lot of thoughts in my head that I thought I would put down in writing.

The signs of spring are beginning to show up in our mountain village; it’s not as cold as it has been, and believe it or not, some of my annuals are beginning to sprout; they are brave little souls, tempting the fates of weather.

I’m a little sad today, received the news that two of my old friends from El Paso had passed away to a better life. These two were originally my hubby’s pals, having all attended Bowie High School together, and graduating in the class of 1944. It was when young men were being drafted almost as soon as they got their diplomas; so they were separated by war. A few from that class did not make it back.

Life and circumstances intervened, but they kept in touch. When the high school reunions were in full swing, they met again, to plan their 45th and then their 50th. This was when I made my entrance into that selected list of Bowie Bears, an Austin High School Panther who, by osmosis, turned into a Bear.

We joined in full swing to get the reunions going, and for many years after, still met as a group and planned outings. We even went camping, and for some, it was a first. What fun we had!

Of course, all things slowed down as Father Time intervened; we managed a few luncheon get togethers when we visited our old home town. My hubby’s death slowed events even more; I still saw them once in a while, but fewer and fewer “osos” showed up.

So it was with great sadness that I learned of their deaths; Bobby, the greatest Sinatra and baseball fan, and Pepe, a golfer who enjoyed the camaraderie of others at the golf course when he could no longer play.

I know they have all met again in heaven, to continue their everlasting friendships in that forever land.

Adios, Osos Canosos

Hasta la Vista

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This May 1st I took a step into a new decade, probably my last one.

On the above date I reached the BIG 80!  So, its only natural to assume that this will be my last one; as I read the obituaries from my home town of  El Paso, I note that most of the deaths are below that age, or slightly above.

Don’t get me wrong, I am in good health; but my life has been lived, and I am ready to go when the Good Lord calls me home to be with him and my beloved.  I hope that when I reach the pearly gates the book that records my life will be filled with pluses;  I have certainly always strived for that goal.

The last two weeks were full for me, I motored to El Paso to spend Easter with my son and family; then returned home for a few days to get ready for my birthday and Mother’s Day which would be celebrated in my hometown.

The children wanted to throw a gala celebration for the big 80, but as I told them, I was not ready for that; I preferred a low key weekend with my children, which we achieved.   First on our agenda was a visit to their dad’s grave at Ft. Bliss National Cemetary.  This is always a sad occasion, but we did manage to laugh, thinking of  things he said and did.  We played scrabble, poker, talked, laughed, cried, and generally had a very good time.  Of course, we had lunch at Chico’s Tacos,  their visit would not be complete without it.

They all left on Sunday, and I decided to stay until I was to fly to Dallas for Mother’s Day.  That weekend was also fun; I was able to see my daughter’s new houses, which are a block from each other in McKinney, a beautiful, serene place to live.  I met my grandson’s girl friend, spent time with my granddaughter and her husband, and all the assorted family members. We had decided to have a baby shower for my granddaughter on that weekend, since everyone would be in town, except for my son who lives in Ruidoso, but  he was there in spirit.

CAN YOU IMAGINE ME, A GREAT GRANDMOTHER?

Well, all I had to say was Hooray!  The little girl that I used to carry would be carrying a baby girl of her own, due to arrive July 15.  We are all so excited.

On the following  Monday, I flew back, drove to Ruidoso, and faced reality.  There is always that feeling of happiness and dread that tugs at me on the way home.  I am happy to get back, and also sad to enter that empty house again.  There is  a scurrying of activity, un- packing, washing, opening mail, paying bills, etc. that occupied most of my day, then the coming days loom ahead; sending resumes, actively looking for a job, and looking for things to fill the void.

I began to clean the yard; and not thinking, allowed my pooch Chico out  to what I considered a dog proof yard.  I got busy in the front, feeling confident that he could not get out.  When I looked around, there he was in the street.  He managed to find a way to sneak out while I was busy; the only way to get him back was to get in the car and start moving.  He got to the driveway of my neighbors across the street, so I drove up and opened the door.  He climbed in and I started backing out, thinking the way was clear. When I heard a thunk, I thought it was only a rock and kept on going, but the car stopped.  I got out and saw that I had run over a railroad tie, and it was not allowing me to move.

As my hubby used to say “How did I manage to do that?”  My excuse is that their driveway is on an incline, and I did not have a clear view.  I called my superman son, who came to the rescue.  It doesn’t look like the car sustained any damage, thank the Lord.  He drove it around for awhile, and said it seemed O. K. and told me I was very, very lucky.  The  Good Lord watches over me, what else can I say?

Stayed tuned for the next episode of the Perils of Alicia.

Hasta la Vista

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could turn the clock back, just like we do every fall?  Of course, you would have to choose how far back to go, an hour, a day, a year?

In my fantasies, I would go back at least ten years, when my hubby was still in good health, when he and I thought we had the world in our hands.  We had good jobs, good health, a fantastic bevy of grown children, and we could look forward to growing old together.

Of course, old was not a word my hubby believed in.  He always thought and acted young, and I was swept along with him.  We were so sure we had earned the place where we then stood, and we enjoyed every minute of it.

Then was then, and now is now.  You cannot turn back time, and only memories keep it alive.  I have plenty of those, and sometimes when I’m not even thinking, they crop up at unbidden times.

For example, I found tears in my eyes when I witnessed my wonderful boss busily opening a package which contained a new tool he had purchased, and it reminded me of the joy that my hubby took in any new tool he acquired.  I had a lump in my throat when he came back from a trip and handed his wife a gift he brought to her; there were many times in my life when I had the same happiness of knowing I was always in my hubby’s thoughts.

I find myself envying an older couple holding hands; that could have been us.  I have gone up to total strangers and told them how lucky they are, and not to take anything for granted.

With the holidays coming up, more and more memories will appear, I do not dread them; I even look forward to enjoying most of them. This year the traditional Thanksgiving will not happen, as two of my children who live in Dallas cannot come to Ruidoso to be with us, and the son who lives in El Paso will celebrate with his wife’s family this year.  I will still have two children and their families to keep me company.  Two is much better than none.

Happy Thanksgiving to all.

Hasta la Vista

Almost the entire world believes that the New Year starts on January 1.  I believed it too until I realized that my world was not in sync with everyone else’s.

My world, as I saw it then, ended on February 20, 2009, the date of my husband’s passing.  I could not see past that date to any future.  After 59 years of marriage losing your life partner was just too much to digest.  How could I possibly live without him?  As I have stated before, my faith and my children sustained me through the hardest days of my life, and continue to do so to this day.

I did live, and continue to do so, without him by my side.  I speak to him everyday, as I did when he was alive, telling him of my problems, what I accomplished that day, and things that I put aside.  It comforts me, and I believe that he hears me.

Our children all came to Ruidoso to attend the first anniversary mass of his death at our place of worship, St Joseph’s Mescalero Apache Mission in Mescalero, New Mexico.  How he loved that church and its community; when we first attended mass there he told me he felt like he was finally home.  Being there has also helped me to cope, and I believe the congregation  has been a large part of it.

My heart was filled with gratitude and pride when I saw all our family there, not only our children, but sisters, nieces, and brothers-in-law, who drove from El Paso to attend.  My cup runneth over.

After the mass everyone congregated at the church hall, and I had so many people come and speak to me about him.  He used to sing in the choir, and Father Paul, our pastor, commented on the fact that he missed seeing his smiling face every Sunday.

It was a very personalized service, and I will always to grateful for that.

My New Year started that day; I will go forward to the future, praying for the best; keeping his memory alive in my heart, because  he was, after all,  the love of my live.

Hasta La Vista

The house has returned to normal, quiet, peaceful, and lonely, after the visit from my children for the Thanksgiving Holiday.  The refrigerator has returned from overload, the washing machine has issued a huge  sigh of relief from all the laundry, and the dishwasher is again empty.  Having fifteen additional people from the usual one in the house  is certainly different.

The turkey this year was prepared by my two daughters, who learned the stuffing secret from their Dad.   This was passed on through generations, having been related to him by his mother.  I can truly say that they were very good pupils, and their Dad was surely smiling from heaven at the results.  I know we all enjoyed the fruits of their labor.

My pooch and I are back to our  routine, with no Scrabble tournaments to participate in,  no Poker Games to bicker over as  to which hand actually won,  no shopping sprees to improve the local economy, and no casinos to attend by myself.

HOW BORING!

The visiting poochs got along fine with mine, after about an hour of suspiciously viewing  and growling at each other.  Then they went into a full playful mode, and we had no problems, other then being constantly delighted by their antics.  They are, after all, kissing cousins.

My offspring missed the second snowfall of the season here in Ruidoso, as it began snowing Sunday morning, after they had left.  If it wasn’t for the fact that they had to drive back to Dallas and El Paso, I would have liked for them to remain and enjoy the beautiful scenes that a snowfall creates.  Everything is pristine in its whiteness, and if ever there was an ugly sight, it was quietly covered and removed by the white gold.

Ski Apache officially opened its season on Thanksgiving Day, but the snow was man made.  After the weather reports started arriving, we realized that the skiers had missed the best part; but we know they will return, just as surely as the swallows return to Capristano every year, the snow enthusiasts will be back.

The Village has already been decorated for the coming Christmas Season, with all the shops lit in white, and the street lamp posts twined with silver.  It is a charming scene, worthy of any Thomas Kincaid  painting.  I enjoy driving through at night, when the shops have closed and the streets are deserted.  This does not happen as often as I would like, because I do not go out at night by myself, for many reasons, the major one being that my hubby and I often rode through the village thusly , and somehow, it just isn’t the same.

I had mentioned to my kids that I probably would not be putting up a tree this year, for the first time in 58 years, my soul still deeply mourning my beloved.  When I walked into the living room, there was the tree, and all my children busy with the decorations.  I felt my spirits lifting, and when my daughter brought out the village which was my hubby’s pride and joy, I could not hold back the tears.  My daughters and I held each other and cried, and my sons and sons-in law, stood around helplessly, until they decided maybe a hug would be welcomed.  I love them all dearly.

I hope that your Thanksgiving Day was as full as mine, and that all of us raised up our eyes and voices to heaven and gave thanks for our many blessings.

Hasta la Vista

It finally arrived!

After weeks of snow warnings, we awoke this morning to a beautiful white, pristine, winter wonderland.

Not that we got that much, but at my house, it covered the lawn, the parking lot, my car, and all surrounding areas.  It snowed almost all day yesterday, but  very slow, almost grudgingly, as if Mother Nature was still not sure about it.  I estimate about two inches of the white gold dropped, albeit, unwillingly.  If my hubby was still living, he would be faxing our children the great message, “ITS SNOWING!”.  He kept such a message close by the fax machine, almost as if he was urging it to happen. He loved the snow and would go out, as soon as he was able, to take pictures. God, how I miss him.

Ski Apache, our ski resort, received at least 15 inches, and the skiers must be shouting for joy; I know the merchants of the town are doing just that.

Viewing the weather report, northern New Mexico received more than their share, at least two feet were estimated to fall in some areas.

As for myself, I loaded up on books.  My sister and I have a lending library between ourselves, where we exchange books as we read them.  On her last visit she brought me a bag full, so I have plenty to keep me entertained.

My pooch does not like the snow, and keeps trying not to go out.  I have to open the door, and push him out, before he has a chance to retreat.  Once out, he will run out, do his business and return as quickly as possible, to lay in front of the fireplace; “Ah, this is the life, he comments”, in doggy body language.

My physical therapist discharged me this week, so I get to do all the exercises at home.  He gave me three rubberized strips which I am to use.  It took a little bit of time for me to figure out how to do this, I tied one to the leg of my bed, the other to the bedroom door, and kept the third to use  inventfully.  I put this over the door, and use it for my arm exercises; because they are rubberized, I pull against them and really feel it.  If I am snowbound for more than two days, I will develop  arm and leg muscles to put athletes to shame!

It is 7:00 in the morning as I am writing this, and dark as Hades.  I hope the sun comes out soon.

BRR– Hasta la Vista

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