Alicia Lopez’s Musings

Posts Tagged ‘marriage

Today marks the twenty first month since my hubby’s passing.

It is the beginning of a ritual of counting months that started on that day.  I thought that if I could survive that first month, I would be on my way of learning to live alone.  It has been a very long process, and sometimes I wondered if I could make it.

The human body and mind has a resilience unmatched by none.  In the face of adversity and loss, it is still able to function, albeit at a lesser pace, but function it does. Look at me, twenty one months later I am still around, and still kicking.  The sense of loss never leaves, but I have learned to live with it.

I have learned that I can still share thoughts and ideas with my hubby, in the silence of  our home which we both loved, and which is filled with memories; the Greek fishermen’s caps which he wore constantly, his collection of music, even his eyeglasses which he kept by our bed,on a funny big nose stand.

When I leave the house, those memories stay behind, to be supplemented by normal everyday occurances.  My job keeps me busy, my mind expands with the meeting of new people, and new occurances.  I have never lost my sense of humor, but it seems to be rejuvenating.

I look forward to the coming holidays; our village has begun to decorate the main street with dazzling silver boughs and the local merchants have placed the white shimmering lights on their stores, and as the song goes, “It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas”.

For the first time in several years, I will have my three sons here with me for  this weekend; only the sons without my daughters in law .  It will be different, but nice. 

Next week, my daughter, son in law, and grandson from Dallas will be here for the Thanksgiving holiday,  the son who lives here and my small grandson will be present also; my cup runneth over.

The past holidays are just that, past and gone.  Time marchs on, and I have to march along with it.  So, start those drum rolls, begin the beat, and watch me strut.

Hasta la Vista

The beginning of a new life!

Nothing else at this time could have possibly been any better for me.  I witnessed the wedding of my only granddaughter on May 29 of this year, wearing my wedding dress, which her mother also wore .  Is there possibly any greater event than that?

It sent my spirits soaring, viewing the world with a new perception; I was really refreshed, renewed, and rejuvenated.

The majority of my family ventured to New York, and we had a wonderful time.  Before the ceremony and festivities, we toured Central Park on a pedicab ( a rickshaw powered by a bicycle and powerful legs), saw a Broadway show, piled through the crowds at Time Square, endured a human traffic jam, and saw all sorts of odd characters.

I even had my picture taken with a character I had never heard of,  the Naked Cowboy!  My children had heard of him as he has been well publicized.  He was wearing Jockey shorts, cowboy hat and boots, and a guitar.  I can hardly wait to have it printed to send to all my friends.

I also had a pic with Spongebob Square Pants, that one will go to my youngest grandson, the older ones being over 19 and would probably not be interested.

We met with members of the bridegroom’s family at the rehearsal dinner, and they all were extremely nice and friendly.  I commented to them that this would be a WOW, Italian and Mexican families merging, and they agreed.

The ceremony was held at St. Augustine Roman Catholic Church in Brooklyn, a beautiful church resembling the great cathedrals of Europe.  I was escorted down the aisle by my grandson Chris, and I must say we made a pretty picture.

My daughter and son-in-law escorted the bride down the aisle, and I have to say , the tears started.  I couldn’t help it, wishing with all my heart that my hubby could have been there.  My granddaughter assured me that he was looking down from heaven and smiling broadly.

We had a grand time at the reception, and I cajoled, begged, and pleaded for my sons or grandsons to dance with me.  I must say, they did not inherit our dancing genes, but they did try.  I even did the twist with my son-in-law.

We returned to Dallas the next day, weary and worn out.  The crowds and traffic do get to you, and not to mention the crazy taxi drivers.  We only used the subway once, but even that was an experience.

To my granddaughter and new grandson, all the love in the world.  You have the world in your hands, and the Lord has you in his.

Hasta La Vista

Never, in all my years, did I ever think I was getting old.

This changed drastically last week when I limped home after celebrating Mother’s Day with my children in Dallas.  My right leg had been bothering me for the past couple of weeks, I even went to the doctor, who prescribed medication for the pain.  It never gave me any relief, and pending my trip, I wanted to be free of any hindrance.  So I opted to buy some over the counter meds which had worked for me before, and  did again.

I started doing the exercises suggested by a physical therapist, bending, stretching, etc.  I was OK for a while, and suddenly out of the blue, my leg would buckle with the pain. This happened at the height of my buying spree with the gift certificates I received for Mother’s Day. 

Have you ever had to hold on to anything available to keep the weight off one leg?  I did just that, on a display rack, which came tumbling down.  How embarrassing, being on the floor along with all the clothes.  Everyone was very sympathetic and helpful, but my humiliation was complete when I could not stand up.  Right then and there I did my “bend and touch your toes” exercise, which must have confused everybody.  To me, it was the only thing I could do, to stretch those muscles which had crimped on my back.  After several of these, I was able to walk again, with as much dignity as I could muster.

Then came the question, am I getting old?  I never considered years, my hubby and I always thought young.  In fact, the song that best describes our relationship is called “You make me feel so young”; and we lived those words.

But people, there comes a time when you feel so miserable, not being able to do the things that came so natural .

I decided to fight this feeling, and went to see an orthopedic doctor.  He took x-rays of my hips, and declared them to be in good shape.  (I was already thinking hip replacement)  He did recommend an MRI of my back, his thinking being that the muscles there were in a mass of crimping, leaning on a nerve that runs down my leg.  They scheduled me for tomorrow, and I am ready; if his reasoning turns out true, then he can cure me with shots.

Although shots on my back are not my favorite things to get, I do want to get rid of the pain, because I want to dance at my grand daughter’s wedding.  My dancing partner is no longer here, but I will rope my sons or sons in law to dance.  What better place to make a fool of myself than a family wedding.

I wonder what the people in New York will think of me?  I hope they will see a happy, youthful grandmother, kicking her heels in happiness at seeing her “children’s children” joined in matrimony.

Hasta La Vista

It is such a blessing to return home.

Months past I did not think of it with anticipation, rather with a form of dread.  After all, I was coming home to an empty house which had once been filled with love and laughter.

I looked at this homecoming with a new and fresh prospective.   I was so lucky, how many people on this earth do not have a place to call home?  I see them on street corners, and even if I stop traffic, I always give them something.   Paraphrasing  The Good Lord ” Do this unto the least of me, and you do it to me.”  I have been chastised and advised that even with a small alm I might be giving them money to buy booze or drugs; that is up to them, I have done my part.

I also see the homeless after the devastation of hurricanes, floods,  earthquakes and other major disasters.  How could I not feel blessed to have a house to come home too, no matter how empty or how sad?

So I am back  after attending my granddaughter’s bridal shower, and spending Easter Sunday with my children in Dallas; both events happy and chaotic.

We almost had a bridal shower without the bride.  When the date was planned, it was not anticipated that it would be the weekend when most college students would be returning home after the spring break, so the airlines were doing a full plane-sold out- business.  With my granddaughter being part of the board of directors of the family NSU club (No Sense of Urgency) she left the flying plans until the last minute.

Both my daughters who work for the airlines spend almost all day contacting every possible flight leaving New York for Dallas, through most cities they thought were never traveled.  They even enlisted the aid of a friend from another airline in their search.  When they finally thought they had a flight, they would book it only to find the last seat had been sold. FRUSTRATION!!!

They finally found one seat on a flight from Newark to Oklahoma City, where she rented a car and drove to Dallas.  At her shower we crowned her the new CEO of the NSU club.  Before this day, she had only been vice president.

Taking this example , we have all made our plans for our flights to New York for the Big Day on May 29 (which also happens to be the week end of Memorial Day).  Good Luck to us.

Happy- Spring -is- almost- here- day.

Hasta La Vista

I don’t really care if the groundhog saw his shadow to signify more winter comings.

I have just seen the earth beginning to sprout with what will be the rejuvenation of some of my flowerbeds.  I now know what John Denver meant when he sang “Rocky Mountain High”.  My Ruidoso High sent my spirits soaring; Spring is really coming and will be here before too long.

After the long winter we have had, just this sign brought joy to my heart. The aftermath of the last snow is still evident on the north part of my street where the sun never shines; the once beautiful snow has turned to a huge glob of  ice and it will take many more days of warmth to melt it.  I don’t care, I can wait.

The days have been beautiful, and I am not even listening to the weather reports for fear that they will report another winter low system.  Let me enjoy my moment.

With the warmer weather arriving I am also prepping for several events which are in the near future .  One of the biggest being the bridal shower being planned in Dallas for my one and only grand daughter who will be married in May, wearing my wedding gown,  which was also worn by her mother.  If this is not the culmination of seeing “your children’s children” which is part of the Catholic wedding ceremony, then I don’t know what is.

It is at times such as these that I miss my hubby most of all.  We were supposed to share all these experiences, and although he did get to see “his children’s children”, he did not live to see them married. He would have reveled with the pure joy of it, and perhaps we would have reminisced about our own wedding, 59 years ago.

There is a song in Spanish called “Como Han Pasado Los Anos” which translated means, how the years have gone by.  We used to dance to it on our anniversaries, reliving the good and putting aside the bad.  It will always be in my heart.

On to the future, with the wedding to be in New York where our granddaughter lives; I am already excited, not only for the nuptials, but to visit the Big Apple again.  It is such a vibrant city, and yes, it seems like it never sleeps.  I almost feel like kicking my heels and strutting.  Don’t worry, before I do, I will exercise a bit; don’t want to pull anything out of joint.

Hasta La Vista

Almost the entire world believes that the New Year starts on January 1.  I believed it too until I realized that my world was not in sync with everyone else’s.

My world, as I saw it then, ended on February 20, 2009, the date of my husband’s passing.  I could not see past that date to any future.  After 59 years of marriage losing your life partner was just too much to digest.  How could I possibly live without him?  As I have stated before, my faith and my children sustained me through the hardest days of my life, and continue to do so to this day.

I did live, and continue to do so, without him by my side.  I speak to him everyday, as I did when he was alive, telling him of my problems, what I accomplished that day, and things that I put aside.  It comforts me, and I believe that he hears me.

Our children all came to Ruidoso to attend the first anniversary mass of his death at our place of worship, St Joseph’s Mescalero Apache Mission in Mescalero, New Mexico.  How he loved that church and its community; when we first attended mass there he told me he felt like he was finally home.  Being there has also helped me to cope, and I believe the congregation  has been a large part of it.

My heart was filled with gratitude and pride when I saw all our family there, not only our children, but sisters, nieces, and brothers-in-law, who drove from El Paso to attend.  My cup runneth over.

After the mass everyone congregated at the church hall, and I had so many people come and speak to me about him.  He used to sing in the choir, and Father Paul, our pastor, commented on the fact that he missed seeing his smiling face every Sunday.

It was a very personalized service, and I will always to grateful for that.

My New Year started that day; I will go forward to the future, praying for the best; keeping his memory alive in my heart, because  he was, after all,  the love of my live.

Hasta La Vista

Well, here I am again, back home after spending several weeks traveling between children, sisters, and family.  My trip back was highly anticipated and dreaded at the same time; anticipated because, as the saying goes, “There’s no place like home”.  Unlike Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, I could not just click my heels, and be back home where everything would be the same.  I came back to the same empty house.

However, this time, I had plans to keep myself busy.  The yard work was waiting, the scrapbook was just begun, and I still had to go through files and files of paperwork, deciding what was to be kept and what was to be shredded.  I had returned with dozens of books to read, letters to write, and bills to pay.  The semblance of an average day was almost upon me.

Not having a job to go to, after years of working, I could easily get up late every morning, but I find myself not able to sleep after 6:00 A. M.  My constant companion, a mutt named Chico, who is part Boston Terrier and something else, is up at that time and ready to start the day.  He takes it upon himself to chase away all intruders in our yard, be it cats, birds, and even deer.

One meeting of a large stag and my pooch took place not too long ago.  I had let him out the door without first checking to see what he would be chasing.  He took off like a wild beast, barking his head off, only to encounter a huge mammoth with horns.  He quickly retreated to the safety of the house and continued to bark from the front window.  Situations such as these make me laugh, and I forget my loneliness for a while.

With summer upon us, the woods are lovely, and old Mother Nature has awakened from her long winter’s sleep.  The blue jays have returned, looking for the peanuts which I set out for them; soon the hummingbirds will make their appearance.  The bears are also awake now, but I have not seen any of them.  The bear locks which were installed in our dumpster keeps them at bay.

I am grateful for those locks, remembering several years ago when we returned home to find a large bear sitting in our driveway, eating his meal from our dumpster-cafeteria.  We honked, blinked the lights, and made all sorts of noises.  He looked at us, ignored us, and went on eating.  After ten or fifteen minutes of this stand-off, we gave up and decided to quietly exit the car and go into our house.

He was still there when we went to bed.   To the victor belong the spoils.

Until next time, Hasta la vista.

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