Alicia Lopez’s Musings

Posts Tagged ‘living

Yes, it’s that time again, falling leafs, falling doubts, falling spirits; but there is a brighter side, rising sun,  rising hopes,  rising aims.

Our beautiful mountain village is again experiencing the beginning of fall, and with it comes Aspenfest, when we admire the turning of the leafs from green to glorious reds, yellows, and orange.

This week end we are full of tourists who have ventured here to help us celebrate the turning of the seasons.  There is to be a parade on Saturday morning, and for the first time in the sixteen some odd years since I have resided here, my beloved Democratic Party will not have a float.  Due to circumstances beyond our control, we sadly came to the agreement it just would not be possible this year.  I know we will be missed, it has always been so much fun, tossing candies, waving flags, responding to greetings, and I have to admit, even some boos.  We are, after all, the minority in this Republican filled village.

The auto show and chili cook off  in Ruidoso Downs is also a part of this celebration.  The vintage automobiles are beginning to be seen in all their shining glory.  Stomachs are beginning to rumble at the thought of the tasting of the best chilis to be provided.  All in  all it is a wonderful way to start the season.

For years and years, previous to our move here,  we came , with our children and families, to spend this week end.  We loved it, and it became a tradition, followed by our permanent move to this location.  It has somehow gone by the wayside, with the death of my hubby, and we concentrate on meeting at Thanksgiving.

I have a lot to be thankful for; I have survived two and a half years by myself.  I will admit that I just existed for the first two years, and only for the past couple of months have started to live again.  My job has a great deal to do with this new life, I meet and talk to people, carry on with my co-workers, who are all very supportive of me, and have even taken to flirting with the customers.  I must shyly admit that I have had responses; it is quite a boost to my ego.

So my aim now is to live this life to the fullest, never to forget the past, but to make it part of my future.  I invite all my family and friends to tag along with me on this journey.  What do you say, que dicen?

Hasta la Vista

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The name says it all–I don’t know what to call my writings for today, except that.

It started as an ordinary day, being awaken by my faithful alarm clock (my pooch Chico) at 5:30 A. M.  Why go back to bed?

I turned on my computer and started by reading all my e mails, none too important, people trying to sell me things I don’t need or want.  Those that I do answer are all my faithful Publisher’s Clearing House notes which promise to make me a millionaire.  Why not?  Somebody has to win, it might as well be me.

Then I check my bank, want to make sure of what I’ve got, then I go to the fun stuff==Facebook!  Here is where I get to read all the postings of those who are my friends on this wonderful website.  I see their pictures, read their comments, laugh at some and pout at others.  I don’t write anything, except maybe a comment or two on my families postings.  Who would know that someday I would be able to keep up with everyone’s doings, whether they wanted me to or not.  Hey, put it on Facebook and the world knows about it.

I went to the casino and had some good luck; the penny slots were good to me.  Several hours pass and I forget everything except what’s going on in their digital brains.  One game in particular gets my fancy; they are all rock and roll insects who play the guitar, and when you hit the bonus, they all play their hearts away while giving you money.  What a good past time if you don’t overdo it, because sometimes they refuse to come out and play.

I  got home and had some sad news , an old friend passed away.  By old, I don’t mean by age, but by years of knowing him.  He was somewhat instrumental in getting my hubby and me together.  He was a friend to both of us, and eventually we met through his sisters.

We were close at one time, as young married couples tend to be; then our children started to arrive and pulled us in different directions. We met here and there and compared notes, but time slipped away and before we knew it, the Good Lord called them both home; I am sure they will meet again , and be pals as they once were. As Sophocles said “Now let the weeping cease, let no one mourn again, these things are in the hands of God”.

It’s easy to say,  but so hard to do.  Next month will mark the second anniversary of my love’s passing, and I know he is in God’s hands, but I am here by myself, coping as best I can.  Each day is a new beginning, and passes quite quickly.  I don’t know where my life is heading, but I want to be fully aware of it when it does.

Assure your families that they are loved, over and over again.

Hasta la Vista

Today marks the twenty first month since my hubby’s passing.

It is the beginning of a ritual of counting months that started on that day.  I thought that if I could survive that first month, I would be on my way of learning to live alone.  It has been a very long process, and sometimes I wondered if I could make it.

The human body and mind has a resilience unmatched by none.  In the face of adversity and loss, it is still able to function, albeit at a lesser pace, but function it does. Look at me, twenty one months later I am still around, and still kicking.  The sense of loss never leaves, but I have learned to live with it.

I have learned that I can still share thoughts and ideas with my hubby, in the silence of  our home which we both loved, and which is filled with memories; the Greek fishermen’s caps which he wore constantly, his collection of music, even his eyeglasses which he kept by our bed,on a funny big nose stand.

When I leave the house, those memories stay behind, to be supplemented by normal everyday occurances.  My job keeps me busy, my mind expands with the meeting of new people, and new occurances.  I have never lost my sense of humor, but it seems to be rejuvenating.

I look forward to the coming holidays; our village has begun to decorate the main street with dazzling silver boughs and the local merchants have placed the white shimmering lights on their stores, and as the song goes, “It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas”.

For the first time in several years, I will have my three sons here with me for  this weekend; only the sons without my daughters in law .  It will be different, but nice. 

Next week, my daughter, son in law, and grandson from Dallas will be here for the Thanksgiving holiday,  the son who lives here and my small grandson will be present also; my cup runneth over.

The past holidays are just that, past and gone.  Time marchs on, and I have to march along with it.  So, start those drum rolls, begin the beat, and watch me strut.

Hasta la Vista

Well, my week of dog and house sitter ended on a happy note, and I started my trek back home, although I tell my hubby no place is home without him.  My own pooch, Chico. and my son’s dauschund are “kissing cousins” and get along well together; so well that when we leave for home we have to put Corky in a bedroom and close the door because he goes bananas when he sees we are going without him.

The week seemed to fly by, and I got to see a lot of my friends, and spent time with my two sisters.  I window shopped at the big stores, and missed Louie some more.  When we went to the “big city” and the malls, we would split up and keep in touch by cell phone, except when he forgot to turn his on.  This was followed by an all out hunt at his favorite places, Radio Shack, and any store with kitchen wares, where I would usually find him.

El Paso has grown so much from the small lazy city we both grew up in.  I did visit the Bowie Bakery, where it has stood for many years, serving our people .   My sister and I bought the sweet breads of our youth, and relived experiences.  We did not grow up in South El Paso like my hubby, but I shared memories that he related to me.  The old Bowie High School he attended is now Roosevelt school, but the building is the same.

My trip back home was marred by car trouble, although I had the oil changed and the tires checked before starting.  At the Border Patrol check point a dinging sound went off and the light on the car icon came on.  Not knowing what it meant, I waited until the Border Patrolman asked me for my citizenship, and I replied by asking him what the icon meant.  He was very nice and told me I should have the engine checked in Alamogordo.

I stopped at the first car parts store I came to;   A message had appeared on the screen showing “power steering”.  The men at the store were very helpful but very confused because they could not find where the fluid should be installed.  They checked their computer, the car’s instruction book, and told me they could not help me; the power steering was computerized, and I would have to go to the  dealer.

Great News, there is no Chevrolet dealer in Alamogordo.  I hit the panic button and called my son in Ruidoso and he came to get me.  Well, as it happens, when he started the car, the icon was not visible, and the steering wheel was fine!  We drove around for about an hour, and it worked perfectly, so I decided to drive on in, and the car behaved beautifully.  However, I am taking it to the dealer this morning, I think it was just a warning, and I sure don’t want to be caught again.

There, the Perils of Alicia have ended.  I am back home for a few days and will be leaving soon for Dallas; looking forward to seeing my children and grandchildren in Big D, and of course, my future grandson-in-law.  Hey Scott, did you tell your buddies your fiancee’s  grandma beat you at bowling?

A final note, the auto dealer says he ran a computer analysis and that it showed the car needed a new steering column to the tune of $600.00; he just happened to have the part in stock and could have it ready that same day.  I called my son  and he told them to forget it, we picked it up and took it to another shop which also checked it with the computer.   Guess what?  No codes showed and nothing was wrong with the steering column.  I guess the dealer figured he had a big sale with a woman who did not know anything about cars (which I dont) but I have my sons to guide me.  The mechanic told me the band thingy (not his words) was worn and loose and should be replaced, when the car heated it would send wrong messages to the computer.

Guess I’m just lucky to have sons who know about cars and an honest mechanic on my side. Oh, by the way, I had to pay the dealer $79.00 for the analysis and he would not give me a print out on it.

Hasta la Vista

I don’t really care if the groundhog saw his shadow to signify more winter comings.

I have just seen the earth beginning to sprout with what will be the rejuvenation of some of my flowerbeds.  I now know what John Denver meant when he sang “Rocky Mountain High”.  My Ruidoso High sent my spirits soaring; Spring is really coming and will be here before too long.

After the long winter we have had, just this sign brought joy to my heart. The aftermath of the last snow is still evident on the north part of my street where the sun never shines; the once beautiful snow has turned to a huge glob of  ice and it will take many more days of warmth to melt it.  I don’t care, I can wait.

The days have been beautiful, and I am not even listening to the weather reports for fear that they will report another winter low system.  Let me enjoy my moment.

With the warmer weather arriving I am also prepping for several events which are in the near future .  One of the biggest being the bridal shower being planned in Dallas for my one and only grand daughter who will be married in May, wearing my wedding gown,  which was also worn by her mother.  If this is not the culmination of seeing “your children’s children” which is part of the Catholic wedding ceremony, then I don’t know what is.

It is at times such as these that I miss my hubby most of all.  We were supposed to share all these experiences, and although he did get to see “his children’s children”, he did not live to see them married. He would have reveled with the pure joy of it, and perhaps we would have reminisced about our own wedding, 59 years ago.

There is a song in Spanish called “Como Han Pasado Los Anos” which translated means, how the years have gone by.  We used to dance to it on our anniversaries, reliving the good and putting aside the bad.  It will always be in my heart.

On to the future, with the wedding to be in New York where our granddaughter lives; I am already excited, not only for the nuptials, but to visit the Big Apple again.  It is such a vibrant city, and yes, it seems like it never sleeps.  I almost feel like kicking my heels and strutting.  Don’t worry, before I do, I will exercise a bit; don’t want to pull anything out of joint.

Hasta La Vista

The Christmas Holidays came and went like a strong gale, leaving behind tons of wrapping paper, boxes, ribbons, and all the regalia associated with the celebration.  I sincerely hope it also left a feeling of serenity, peace, and hope.

For me, the empty space that I have carried with me since my hubby died is still there; it was the first Christmas without him, and although my children and I tried our best to carry on,  we could never quite fill it; it is much too big and deep.

The New Year  is almost here, and Father Time is about to retire and leave his legacy to the one who will carry on for him.  I look forward to it with some hope, and a lot of trepidation.  What will this year of 2010 bring?  I will relate my wishes for it.

Peace thoughout the world; the end to fighting and killing among all people, including the unborn.

Respect for each other’s thoughts and opinions; each mind has a world of its own.

The return of honesty and integrity; we have seen the efforts by our government to undo the damage of previous years.

A new re-born economy for our country and the world, a resurge of jobs for the unemployed.

A solution for the cure of the deceases which have ravaged society for so long.

The end of racism in all forms.

With the ending of the old year, we have time to reflect on what we have done, and what “we have failed to do”.  There are so many things that I wish I had accomplished, so many regrets on what I was unable to do.

My sincerest wish is to be a better person, to put aside petty thoughts, to do my best in all I do, and not to waste any moment of my time on “what ifs”.  Life is so fleeting, lose a heartbeat, and it is gone.

For family and friends, the best for the coming year.

Happy New Year and Feliz Ano Nuevo

Hasta la Vista

The house has returned to normal, quiet, peaceful, and lonely, after the visit from my children for the Thanksgiving Holiday.  The refrigerator has returned from overload, the washing machine has issued a huge  sigh of relief from all the laundry, and the dishwasher is again empty.  Having fifteen additional people from the usual one in the house  is certainly different.

The turkey this year was prepared by my two daughters, who learned the stuffing secret from their Dad.   This was passed on through generations, having been related to him by his mother.  I can truly say that they were very good pupils, and their Dad was surely smiling from heaven at the results.  I know we all enjoyed the fruits of their labor.

My pooch and I are back to our  routine, with no Scrabble tournaments to participate in,  no Poker Games to bicker over as  to which hand actually won,  no shopping sprees to improve the local economy, and no casinos to attend by myself.

HOW BORING!

The visiting poochs got along fine with mine, after about an hour of suspiciously viewing  and growling at each other.  Then they went into a full playful mode, and we had no problems, other then being constantly delighted by their antics.  They are, after all, kissing cousins.

My offspring missed the second snowfall of the season here in Ruidoso, as it began snowing Sunday morning, after they had left.  If it wasn’t for the fact that they had to drive back to Dallas and El Paso, I would have liked for them to remain and enjoy the beautiful scenes that a snowfall creates.  Everything is pristine in its whiteness, and if ever there was an ugly sight, it was quietly covered and removed by the white gold.

Ski Apache officially opened its season on Thanksgiving Day, but the snow was man made.  After the weather reports started arriving, we realized that the skiers had missed the best part; but we know they will return, just as surely as the swallows return to Capristano every year, the snow enthusiasts will be back.

The Village has already been decorated for the coming Christmas Season, with all the shops lit in white, and the street lamp posts twined with silver.  It is a charming scene, worthy of any Thomas Kincaid  painting.  I enjoy driving through at night, when the shops have closed and the streets are deserted.  This does not happen as often as I would like, because I do not go out at night by myself, for many reasons, the major one being that my hubby and I often rode through the village thusly , and somehow, it just isn’t the same.

I had mentioned to my kids that I probably would not be putting up a tree this year, for the first time in 58 years, my soul still deeply mourning my beloved.  When I walked into the living room, there was the tree, and all my children busy with the decorations.  I felt my spirits lifting, and when my daughter brought out the village which was my hubby’s pride and joy, I could not hold back the tears.  My daughters and I held each other and cried, and my sons and sons-in law, stood around helplessly, until they decided maybe a hug would be welcomed.  I love them all dearly.

I hope that your Thanksgiving Day was as full as mine, and that all of us raised up our eyes and voices to heaven and gave thanks for our many blessings.

Hasta la Vista