Alicia Lopez’s Musings

Posts Tagged ‘home

Have you ever come to a crossroads in your life, pausing and looking right and left, wondering which road is your destiny?

I have come to that exact spot and am a little “bothered and bewildered” as the song states.  My predicament stems from the question , should I sell my house and move back to my hometown of El Paso, or should I stay and brave the loneliness, and uncertainty of my life as it stands now?

My husband and I loved our life here in Ruidoso, but since his death I have found myself doubting my existence in this beautiful peace of earth.  I visit my children in Dallas and El Paso, and love my stay there, but the missing link is still back home among the peaceful pines.  I miss the calm, the serenity, the beauty and my house; but most of all, I miss my hubby.  Would it be different anywhere else?  It has been seventeen months since his passing, and each day brings me closer to that decision.  Financially, I would be better off by selling, but spiritually, I’m not sure.

I have spent the last few weeks painting and sprucing up the house, with the help of the son who lives here.  My biggest regret in selling would be leaving him here; he has taken his Dad’s place as my handyman, and  daily support system.

The house has not been put up for sale, but word of mouth has brought several people to see it.  Hope is eternal, and if it is God’s will, then it will happen.  I place myself at his mercy.

The weather has been wonderful, we are getting some rain almost every day, so the forest is at its pristine best.  The days are cool, the temperature drops about 20 degrees after the moisture from heaven, so when I see the weather reports from around the country, I am so happy I am at this place at this time .

My hometown beckons to me, I have two sisters there, a son, and countless livelong friends; I also have my hubby at the Fort Bliss National Cemetary.  Here in the cool pines I have many acquaintances, but very few friends.   Do you see my predicament?

Hasta La Vista

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It is such a blessing to return home.

Months past I did not think of it with anticipation, rather with a form of dread.  After all, I was coming home to an empty house which had once been filled with love and laughter.

I looked at this homecoming with a new and fresh prospective.   I was so lucky, how many people on this earth do not have a place to call home?  I see them on street corners, and even if I stop traffic, I always give them something.   Paraphrasing  The Good Lord ” Do this unto the least of me, and you do it to me.”  I have been chastised and advised that even with a small alm I might be giving them money to buy booze or drugs; that is up to them, I have done my part.

I also see the homeless after the devastation of hurricanes, floods,  earthquakes and other major disasters.  How could I not feel blessed to have a house to come home too, no matter how empty or how sad?

So I am back  after attending my granddaughter’s bridal shower, and spending Easter Sunday with my children in Dallas; both events happy and chaotic.

We almost had a bridal shower without the bride.  When the date was planned, it was not anticipated that it would be the weekend when most college students would be returning home after the spring break, so the airlines were doing a full plane-sold out- business.  With my granddaughter being part of the board of directors of the family NSU club (No Sense of Urgency) she left the flying plans until the last minute.

Both my daughters who work for the airlines spend almost all day contacting every possible flight leaving New York for Dallas, through most cities they thought were never traveled.  They even enlisted the aid of a friend from another airline in their search.  When they finally thought they had a flight, they would book it only to find the last seat had been sold. FRUSTRATION!!!

They finally found one seat on a flight from Newark to Oklahoma City, where she rented a car and drove to Dallas.  At her shower we crowned her the new CEO of the NSU club.  Before this day, she had only been vice president.

Taking this example , we have all made our plans for our flights to New York for the Big Day on May 29 (which also happens to be the week end of Memorial Day).  Good Luck to us.

Happy- Spring -is- almost- here- day.

Hasta La Vista