Alicia Lopez’s Musings

Posts Tagged ‘family

The name says it all–I don’t know what to call my writings for today, except that.

It started as an ordinary day, being awaken by my faithful alarm clock (my pooch Chico) at 5:30 A. M.  Why go back to bed?

I turned on my computer and started by reading all my e mails, none too important, people trying to sell me things I don’t need or want.  Those that I do answer are all my faithful Publisher’s Clearing House notes which promise to make me a millionaire.  Why not?  Somebody has to win, it might as well be me.

Then I check my bank, want to make sure of what I’ve got, then I go to the fun stuff==Facebook!  Here is where I get to read all the postings of those who are my friends on this wonderful website.  I see their pictures, read their comments, laugh at some and pout at others.  I don’t write anything, except maybe a comment or two on my families postings.  Who would know that someday I would be able to keep up with everyone’s doings, whether they wanted me to or not.  Hey, put it on Facebook and the world knows about it.

I went to the casino and had some good luck; the penny slots were good to me.  Several hours pass and I forget everything except what’s going on in their digital brains.  One game in particular gets my fancy; they are all rock and roll insects who play the guitar, and when you hit the bonus, they all play their hearts away while giving you money.  What a good past time if you don’t overdo it, because sometimes they refuse to come out and play.

I  got home and had some sad news , an old friend passed away.  By old, I don’t mean by age, but by years of knowing him.  He was somewhat instrumental in getting my hubby and me together.  He was a friend to both of us, and eventually we met through his sisters.

We were close at one time, as young married couples tend to be; then our children started to arrive and pulled us in different directions. We met here and there and compared notes, but time slipped away and before we knew it, the Good Lord called them both home; I am sure they will meet again , and be pals as they once were. As Sophocles said “Now let the weeping cease, let no one mourn again, these things are in the hands of God”.

It’s easy to say,  but so hard to do.  Next month will mark the second anniversary of my love’s passing, and I know he is in God’s hands, but I am here by myself, coping as best I can.  Each day is a new beginning, and passes quite quickly.  I don’t know where my life is heading, but I want to be fully aware of it when it does.

Assure your families that they are loved, over and over again.

Hasta la Vista

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The title above should convey my feelings to all my family, friends, and unknown readers of this blog.

I was quite surprised to find that so many of you have paid me the compliment of your time in accessing my writings, and  some  took the exceptional way of letting me know they enjoyed them by posting comments; my cup runneth over.

I have always enjoyed expressing my feelings in the written word, some I have kept to myself, too personal to share; but the majority have gone into my columns, and now this blog.

My hubby was the first one who discovered that I had this hidden, dare I call it, talent.  He saved everything I ever wrote him, letters, poems, thoughts, feelings.  Some he preserved by framing them, and hanging them in our bedroom.  I suppose, in a way, it reminded him of my true love when we had spats and were not on speaking terms.  How childish it all seems now.

The first time I ever got the courage to have someone else read my writings was when I submitted my first column to the El Paso Times.  The editorial page editor was going on vacation, and he asked that readers sent him columns he could use while he was away.

I was surprised that one of mine was chosen, and he continued to use me  on a regular basis, as a contributing columnist.  When he left, his replacement contacted me about writing a weekly column.  I continued to do this for several years until the paper was purchased by a new entity, and it was decided I was no longer needed. I was fortunate that no limits were placed on me, and I could write about anything or anybody.  Many of my columns were reminiscent of my youth in El Paso, and being a staunch Democrat, many were also political.

I wrote about my mother and her friends, seniors , born in a generation when women were supposed to remain in the home, and their “coming of age” and blossoming after they were widowed.  They learned the power of the vote, and even demonstrated with the “Silver Citizens” in front of City Hall.

I commented on social issues, and the need for compassion in government. There were quite a few letters to the editor which protested my stands, but the paper was fair and printed both sides, those that agreed with me and the misinformed.

I still have people who know me tell me how much they miss reading my thoughts, that’s when I tell them about this blog and WordPress.com.

One of my sons, who is very computer literate, told me I should not stop writing, and started me on this journey.  Thanks to him, I am still scribbling away.  By the way, he is also the one who supplies all the pictures shown at the end, are they not something to behold?

So thanks to him and the new computer age and all its possibilities, I am still around.  Perhaps when the Good Lord calls me home, I shall appear, with pad in hand,  ready to write about all the goings on in heaven.  I mean, if that’s where I’m going!

Hasta la Vista

Happy New Year, Feliz Ano Nuevo!

Today marks the beginning of a new book,  page one , chapter one,  in our lives.  What we write on it, and the consequences will be up to us.

I hope that what I assemble will be hopeful and courageous, with a little bit of humor thrown in.  Hopeful in the sense that my life will be worth something  more other than just breathing, surely the good Lord kept me on this earth for a good reason. Courageous with a sense that I will be able to handle whatever comes my way with my normal sense of humor to sustain me.

This February will mark the second anniversary of my hubby’s passing, and I can see the difference in my life.  I still feel the loneliness, but that, I am told, will never go away, just diminish in strength.  I have done so many things I never did before, to the smallest of tasks (putting W D 40 on the hinges of my doors) to the largest (actually driving in the snow with all the advice I had gotten from my hubby in the past) to the mundane ( surviving a black out with candles all over the house).

For someone who had all the above, and everything else,  done by my spouse, I am a little proud of myself.  I know he certainly would be.

One thing that I wish I had paid more attention to is the upkeep of the car.  I wish I knew more about the mysterious workings of the engine, and all its components.  I have told the guys at my work to teach their spouses more about this, so if they ever find themselves in my situation they will be more knowledgeable; but as usual, this is something that they find falls in their domain.

I find myself thankful that I was my hubby’s helper in all his projects around the house, I know what each tool is for, and how to use it.  I am also very thankful for the son who lives here, who has taken over as my handyman.  He too learned a lot from his Dad while helping him with the bigger tasks.

I am also thankful for the companionship of my pooch, Chico, who is such a comfort to me.  People who do not have pets will not understand the strength you derive from the love and devotion of a furry little animal.  He is the one who faithfully waits for me by the door, who guards the house, who is there as either a sounding or a crying board, putting his paw on me, as if to say “I understand”.

While my life is not completely full,  it is still undergoing some of the growth that I know I will eventually have.  I will welcome and wait for it, for as long as it takes.

I am thankful for my health, my faith, my children, and my extended family.  These all help to fill the void.

Hasta La Vista

Here it is, December already!  Where did November skitter off to?

It seems only yesterday I was excited about seeing my children at Thanksgiving,  being disappointed at only having two families show up, living through it, and now it is that most beautiful season of all, Christmas!

My season started early when my daughter, my son, and two grandchildren put up my tree right after turkey day.  The village, which was my hubby’s pride and joy, also appeared with a few changes.  It was becoming over-populated, as he could never resist buying one more building, a few more people, some more trees, and on and on.  So my daughter kept a couple of buildings out, and some residents.  I only asked that she keep the nun he always put in front of the church.  The scene is beautiful, and fills my heart with joy every time I see it.  It might not be traditional, but our village also has a casino!

I will be traveling to Dallas to spend that most holy of days with my family, the only one absent will be the son who lives here and my grandson, and I will miss them dearly.  My consolation is that I see my son daily, and my grandson on week ends.

I will get to see my church, St. Joseph’s Mescalero Apache Mission, decorated with the traditional tee pee at the altar, housing the Holy Family, surrounded by scores of pine trees with blinking lights, and the pews with their garlands.  It is a beautiful sight.  My hubby loved to take pictures, and one year we used the scene as our Christmas card.

So I am preparing for my trip, my children bought my ticket back in September. I should not have any problems, but with the new security set up at the airports,(am I really going to be personally searched that much?), and the number of people traveling, my son in El Paso urged me to drive down the day before, not at six in the morning as I had planned.  So I checked with my office, and they said it should not be a problem.

I AM WORKING, YOU KNOW.  I love to say that!

The season of peace and love is upon us.  My wish is that all the hoopla, the ads, the continuous pounding of  BUY, will not affect  us so much that we forget what we are celebrating;  the birth of the Baby Jesus, the Savior of the world.

Hold your family tight, and tell them you love them. Love your neighbor as yourself, and see the good in all.  What a wonderful world this would be if we all adhered to that mantra.

Feliz Navidad

Hasta la Vista

Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could turn the clock back, just like we do every fall?  Of course, you would have to choose how far back to go, an hour, a day, a year?

In my fantasies, I would go back at least ten years, when my hubby was still in good health, when he and I thought we had the world in our hands.  We had good jobs, good health, a fantastic bevy of grown children, and we could look forward to growing old together.

Of course, old was not a word my hubby believed in.  He always thought and acted young, and I was swept along with him.  We were so sure we had earned the place where we then stood, and we enjoyed every minute of it.

Then was then, and now is now.  You cannot turn back time, and only memories keep it alive.  I have plenty of those, and sometimes when I’m not even thinking, they crop up at unbidden times.

For example, I found tears in my eyes when I witnessed my wonderful boss busily opening a package which contained a new tool he had purchased, and it reminded me of the joy that my hubby took in any new tool he acquired.  I had a lump in my throat when he came back from a trip and handed his wife a gift he brought to her; there were many times in my life when I had the same happiness of knowing I was always in my hubby’s thoughts.

I find myself envying an older couple holding hands; that could have been us.  I have gone up to total strangers and told them how lucky they are, and not to take anything for granted.

With the holidays coming up, more and more memories will appear, I do not dread them; I even look forward to enjoying most of them. This year the traditional Thanksgiving will not happen, as two of my children who live in Dallas cannot come to Ruidoso to be with us, and the son who lives in El Paso will celebrate with his wife’s family this year.  I will still have two children and their families to keep me company.  Two is much better than none.

Happy Thanksgiving to all.

Hasta la Vista

Each day of my life now seems like a newly purchased book;  I am eager to start that first page and find new adventure and perhaps some mysteries;  I am, after all,  one of the biggest readers of mystery novels, next to my sister.

Before I begin on my page of the day, let me reveal to you about the “lending” library that she and I have.  I purchase a book, read it, and send it to her.  She does the same, but the books she returns seem to have multiplied like bunnies; I send her three, she returns twelve.  That mystery is solved when she explains that her daughter, also an avid reader, sends her novels she has purchased and read, so I end up with shopping bags full of books.

Before I began my new job I could finish a book in two days, and after compiling those, I would travel to my local paperback exchange, and return with even more books. My reading has slowed down a bit, as I have my days filled now with my new job.

This is when the new pages of my life begin;  I actually look forward to getting up in the morning with my day scheduled for work.  I never knew how much I enjoyed working until I no longer had a job.  There is just so much you can do around the house, and when those chores are finished, the rest of the day looms ahead.  I volunteered with my local Democratic Party, something my hubby and I did together, he was such an avid Democrat.  When his illness progressed he could not do as much, and I preferred to keep him company, so my volunteering dwindled.  I am just beginning to get back in that groove.

Each day brings new things into my life, new people I can talk to.  When I was home alone my conversations were mostly with my pooch, who listened intently, and agreed with everything I said.  He was, and still is, my constant companion, being privy to my saddest moments, sharing my tears with him, and also my happy thoughts.

I hurry home to him at noon, let him out in the yard, have my lunch, play with him a bit, give him a “dental” treat, and leave.  In the evening, the same schedule follows;  he demands more petting now since I am gone for the day.

My new pages are now filled with the wonderful views of the beginning of fall.  The days are quite cool in the mornings and evenings.  We had the annual motorcycle rally last week in our village, and the roar of the “motos” were heard everywhere, and you have not seem anything until  you view the hundreds and hundreds of  bikers filling every inch of space in your town. They are all welcomed, but you can hear the combined sighs of relief when they leave; we have the serenity back.

So, life goes on, and I float along with it.  Next week will be the annual Aspencade weekend, when the leaves are beginning to turn to the lovely golds and reds.

Come see it with me.

Hasta la Vista

The crossroads which I mentioned on my last blog have suddenly become very clear.  I do not have to take either route, but remain steadily ahead.

My life has taken a new direction,  one which I find productive and exciting.

I FOUND A JOB!

Yes, after eighteen months of floundering, I have found an anchor.  Two very nice people thought that I was worthy of working for them.  It has done wonders for my self esteem, and has boosted my self confidence to its normal high state.

The mountain village in which I reside is small, and geared more toward tourism than commerce; but the infrastructure exists and we need carpenters, masons, and plumbers!  My new job is with a plumbing contractor, and I am finding it  both challenging  and deserving.  I have  come in contact with numerous customers who were also customers at my old job, one I held for ten years.  It is so rewarding to have them remember me.

When we first moved to Ruidoso, I did bookkeeping work for a plumbing contractor, but that was quite a few years ago.  There are many, many parts required for any plumbing job, and after a week of working, I find that my brain is slowly but surely remembering them.

It has been said that it is not what you know, but who you know, and that is how my job came around.  A friend of mine worked for this firm, but she quit when a school district hired her.  She had earned her teaching degree three years ago and had been applying for jobs ever since, and suddenly everything fell into place, her new job and mine.  I am grateful that she recommended me.

So I shall remain in the cool pines for a while longer; the only unhappy one  is my pooch who did not want me to work and leave him by himself, but he is adjusting to the solitary daytime life.

I now find a reason for getting up in the morning, without the whole empty day looming ahead.  Being busy and among friendly people keeps me from  dwelling too much in the past, which I tended to do, being around all the reminders of my lost happy life.   My hubby is always in my heart, but I feel him urging me on to a new life without him.  I am beginning to think that I can do it.

Wish me luck.

Hasta la Vista