Alicia Lopez’s Musings

Archive for February 2010

Almost the entire world believes that the New Year starts on January 1.  I believed it too until I realized that my world was not in sync with everyone else’s.

My world, as I saw it then, ended on February 20, 2009, the date of my husband’s passing.  I could not see past that date to any future.  After 59 years of marriage losing your life partner was just too much to digest.  How could I possibly live without him?  As I have stated before, my faith and my children sustained me through the hardest days of my life, and continue to do so to this day.

I did live, and continue to do so, without him by my side.  I speak to him everyday, as I did when he was alive, telling him of my problems, what I accomplished that day, and things that I put aside.  It comforts me, and I believe that he hears me.

Our children all came to Ruidoso to attend the first anniversary mass of his death at our place of worship, St Joseph’s Mescalero Apache Mission in Mescalero, New Mexico.  How he loved that church and its community; when we first attended mass there he told me he felt like he was finally home.  Being there has also helped me to cope, and I believe the congregation  has been a large part of it.

My heart was filled with gratitude and pride when I saw all our family there, not only our children, but sisters, nieces, and brothers-in-law, who drove from El Paso to attend.  My cup runneth over.

After the mass everyone congregated at the church hall, and I had so many people come and speak to me about him.  He used to sing in the choir, and Father Paul, our pastor, commented on the fact that he missed seeing his smiling face every Sunday.

It was a very personalized service, and I will always to grateful for that.

My New Year started that day; I will go forward to the future, praying for the best; keeping his memory alive in my heart, because  he was, after all,  the love of my live.

Hasta La Vista

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There is always that sad day after a vacation, when you wake up and decide it is time to return home and to face reality.

I escaped from a week  of snow and ice surrounding me at my home in Ruidoso.  As I have stated before,  I cannot stand the aftermath of a snow storm, the grime and grit that is essential to getting the roads clear and passable.  Right now, across from my house stands a hill about 15 feet high of this same sequel.

I was very happy to see the plows appear and clear the street, including the front of my driveway; but the snow had to be dumped somewhere, and a space across my house provided that needed room.

When I left, the cover over my deck had developed a leak directly at my front door, when I returned it had deteriorated to a full blown emergency, separating it from the main roof, and threatening to completely disintegrate.  The roof of the storage room had also developed a leak and made the walls look like something from a frightening movie set.  As I stated before, the gazebo collapsed under the weight of the snow and ice.  Insurance time took most of one day, but I finally convinced the unseen person that unless I had the roof  fixed, it might collapse over my head as I entered the house.  They promised to send someone that same day.  Good Luck

So reality set in with a bang.  No more leisurely walks along the beach in Jupiter, Florida where I went for a few days with my daughter and son-in-law; no more wonderful delicious fresh seafood dinners at restaurants with far sounding names.  No more wondering what to do with our spare time, go bowling ( we did, disastrously) take in a movie (we did, one which I liked and enjoyed tremendously, but the rest did not) no more sitting on the balcony overlooking the ocean and thinking how my beloved would have loved it.

The winds started the day after we landed, and the swells made for very good wind sailing (for young, strong bodies).  We enjoyed watching them and wondering at their energy and endurance.  The next day the seas were a little bit calmer, and then the surfers came out.  The temperature was in the 70’s, but I know the water was cold.

My trip home was uneventful, once I discovered that my CD player was working O. K. ; it was the disc I inserted that was dirty and would not cooperate and play the music I enjoy on the road.  There are always teary moments when  songs  my hubby loved come on; it is impossible to avoid since he loved music, which was a big part of our lives.

It will be one year next week since his passing.

Hasta la Vista