Alicia Lopez’s Musings

A Loved One’s Passing

Posted on: May 14, 2009

It all started as an introduction between friends, a mild flirtation following, and it was finally followed by a lifetime commitment of a love that carried us through fifty eight years of marriage and the birth of five children.

How can you say goodbye to that?

I have been advised by many widows to just take it one day at a time because if you try to look further, it will be overwhelming.  It has been just that for the three months since his death, and I keep asking myself, “how can I live without him?”

It is a shock to turn, trying to share feelings, thoughts, happenings, problems, etc., and finding an empty space.

My faith and my children have been my strength, but there are times when even they have not helped, the loss is so tremendous, having half your soul ripped from you.

It helps to talk about him, his great sense of humor which blended with mine, the many good times, and even the bad ones, which we survived.

He was the greatest supporter of my writings, and he called himself the “first” editor.  I did not know that he had saved all my articles beginning with those written in 1991, put them all in order, and was planning to scan and print them on the computer, perhaps with an eye to publication for our children.  I have taken over that task, but since I am not as computer literate as he was, I have elected to put them in scrapbook form; I am now at the year 2000.

This has kept me busy, and busy minds do not have as much time to think.

Webster’s Dictionary describes “lonesome” as a result of lack of companionship, or separation from others; how correct that is.  There is no greater loneliness than returning to an empty house.

I never thought that we would be separated, and I always prayed that we would pass on together, but this was not to be.

Cleaning out drawers and going through his things, I find myself weeping.  I find items he treasured, cartoons, etc. that he saved.  I also find writings where he put his deepest thoughts.  I was deeply loved, and though I knew it because he showed it in so many ways, I never fathomed the depths of his feelings until I read those scriptures.

His love was doubly reciprocated.



4 Responses to "A Loved One’s Passing"

Beautiful words which convey the intensity of your loss and the depth of both your and his love for each other. Thank you for writing this, we are glad to be able to read your articles again, and look forward to reading more in the future.

What a beautiful article. Your love for each other is the perfect example of what all married couples should have. Keep on writing…

Maw, I love how you can use words so beautifully to convey your innermost feelings, it’s truly a gift from God. I hope writing helps you through these tough times, but know also you’re not alone, that God is with you and will lead you and all of us through this time of loss.

Know also that Dad is happy and healthy and reunited with Huelo, Huela, Ita and Tata, Lydia, Lizzie, Kevin and his many friends who went before him.

We look forward to reading more from this blog.

At long last I mustered the inner strength to read your article.
It is a wonderful testament to your struggle and to the devotion you and Dad shared.
You have a great talent for expressing your thoughts and feelings in the written word.
I know we will be seeing more of them in your blog!

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